Looking back
Getting to know people and to relate to them is a skill that few, if not any, have. We've all heard so many times from all sorts of people, never to look back and to keep moving forward. But then, when you stop in your tracks and decide to see what you've become over the years, nothing speaks as much as knowing that you've become a disappointment.
Found an old diary from my tuition days in primary\secondary school. And to be honest, i hated the Aliff in it. Arrogant, proud and egocentric. Here was a little devil, unforgiving and cruel. The world revolves around him and he took his achievements for granted. "Maths test was bloody easy, bet i beat almost everyone in the class", "haha, teacher almost got fired but he looks okay now, who cares". Disgusting. But then again, when i look at the reason why he was pretty much like that, the main reason has to be that... he was lonely and scared. Every tiny achievement gave him a purpose and assures of his existence.
I never thought of knowing my past person again. Saw some old photos of myself back in secondary school, and the many quotes that he posted. Old Aliff was funny and very, very lame. Till now, im amused and practically laughed at all the funny things i said. I guess, the humor in me have long passed on. And he was confident and strong. He cared nothing of what others say, each hurtful comments, he made it positive. "You look like a geek!" Someone would say, and the old Aliff would just turn around, smile and say "havent u looked urself in the mirror and know that ur so normal, no one gives a f***". Yea, hes quick witted and sarcastic and yeap, very vulgar.
Every line that the old Aliff said was meant to be a joke. Ask any classmates, all my presentation no matter how formal it may be, isactually full of nonsense and lame jokes. Even once, he put a picture of a half nude lady camouflaged in the background for english presentation and changed every single human picture in the powerpoint to have his face on it. And he was passionate about many things like photography and art. Boy, he loved art and he spent his entire free time drawing and drawing. And he was good at it. Now, i cant draw for nuts. A self potrait of myself which i took 2 weeks to draw looked exactly like me, the copy was taken by my art teacher. A potrait of a tiger, in exttreme detail to the tiny hairs which i took a month to draw was given to ms wong, my former table tennis teacher and one of my best drawings of a red panda, i gave it to a really great friend of mine, yiling.
Found an old diary from my tuition days in primary\secondary school. And to be honest, i hated the Aliff in it. Arrogant, proud and egocentric. Here was a little devil, unforgiving and cruel. The world revolves around him and he took his achievements for granted. "Maths test was bloody easy, bet i beat almost everyone in the class", "haha, teacher almost got fired but he looks okay now, who cares". Disgusting. But then again, when i look at the reason why he was pretty much like that, the main reason has to be that... he was lonely and scared. Every tiny achievement gave him a purpose and assures of his existence.
I never thought of knowing my past person again. Saw some old photos of myself back in secondary school, and the many quotes that he posted. Old Aliff was funny and very, very lame. Till now, im amused and practically laughed at all the funny things i said. I guess, the humor in me have long passed on. And he was confident and strong. He cared nothing of what others say, each hurtful comments, he made it positive. "You look like a geek!" Someone would say, and the old Aliff would just turn around, smile and say "havent u looked urself in the mirror and know that ur so normal, no one gives a f***". Yea, hes quick witted and sarcastic and yeap, very vulgar.
Every line that the old Aliff said was meant to be a joke. Ask any classmates, all my presentation no matter how formal it may be, isactually full of nonsense and lame jokes. Even once, he put a picture of a half nude lady camouflaged in the background for english presentation and changed every single human picture in the powerpoint to have his face on it. And he was passionate about many things like photography and art. Boy, he loved art and he spent his entire free time drawing and drawing. And he was good at it. Now, i cant draw for nuts. A self potrait of myself which i took 2 weeks to draw looked exactly like me, the copy was taken by my art teacher. A potrait of a tiger, in exttreme detail to the tiny hairs which i took a month to draw was given to ms wong, my former table tennis teacher and one of my best drawings of a red panda, i gave it to a really great friend of mine, yiling.
This was the fastest drawing i ever did, took me an hour only and its a picture of a tree in dunman's old garden.
Everything changed in recent years, tiny actions and words goes straight to my heart and it blackens it like ink. I started noticing and caring for people, to get to know them and at least dedicate my entire spare time, making people feel at home. Truth is, the main reason why i never did complete 80% of my assignments in class is that i was busy in the lives of people around me and every single person, deserves to be treated specially. The old Aliff lived a carefree life from any responsibilities and his motto was, "treat life as a joke, jus laugh it off, life's too short for worrying". His higher malay teacher always said he smiled too much and yeap he always did because he wanted to brighten everyones day. Its true people grow tired from giving a crap, but its true also that the world needs people who gives a crap. I wouldnt want to be friends with the old Aliff but to be this unsmiling, tired and self conscious Wan who has everything he needs in the world, it is time to hang up my boots and call a truce.
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