What would you ask from God?

A former colleague of mine once asked why I believed in God... I told him, I choose to believe that we all have a purpose in this life and I choose to believe that there is always someone listening to our silent cries. Someone who sees beneath our smiles. Someone who could read your heart and genuinely cares for you.

He said he believed that religion was a human construct, meant to control and educate us. A placebo for the downtrodden. A pantomime for the gullible. A charlatan at its worst and a quack at its best. I told him... Perhaps it is. But then, it would have served its purpose wouldn't it?

A few months back and thousands of kilometers away from home, I found myself in the heart of the holy city of Mecca, the birthplace of the Muslim faith. There, thousands circle the Ka'aba (kah-bah), a black monument which served as the direction to which all Muslims perform their obligatory five daily prayers. To many Muslims, seeing the Ka'aba was the epitome of their spiritual journey. It was here that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was born as a mercy to all mankind and it was here that many come to seek the salvation they need and fill the emptiness in their hearts.

Last year had not been an easy year. With overwhelming school commitments, failed attempts to reconcile with my past and a strange illness that scarred my entire body except for my face, I came to ask God for many things. Not that he couldn't hear my prayers all the way from home but it felt different speaking to God on my prayer mat in the direction of the Ka'aba as opposed to actually standing beneath its shadow.

As I was approaching the door of the Ka'aba, I find myself asking, what would I ask from God? I came with hopes and aspirations for a smoother future, to understand my religion better and to be a better person both spiritually and as a human being. With such strong intent, I walked up right to the door and prepared to ask from God the things I felt I really needed. And right at that moment, time slowed down. The crowd around me dissolved and I could hear my heart pumping out loud. Looking straight, I felt as though God was already answering my prayers but in the most beautiful and succinct way. Turns out, I was asking God for the wrong things.

What I saw completely sent me into a state I had not felt for a very long time. Empathy. I saw people. Young and old. Women and children. Arabs, Europeans, Turks. Holding onto the frame of the Ka'aba as if their lives depended on it. Crying and pleading to God. To one corner I saw an old lady, sobbing uncontrollably and refusing to let go as Saudi soldiers tried to pull her away to allow others to come closer. To another, I saw this huge mountain of a man breaking down into hysterical tears calling out God. Everywhere else I turned to, I saw the desperation and exasperation of the people around me. And at that moment, I only had one thing to ask from God and it was something that I knew was what I had always wanted deep down.

"O God, give them what they need for they need it more than I do."

I knew I could have asked for abundant wealth or perfect health but it was at turning moments like this that I find myself with something much more valuable. My life's purpose. Which was to help others. No matter who they are or what they do. No matter the circumstances, no matter the sacrifices I have to  make. No matter how painful the choices are or how others will condemn and judge me. I will stand up for what is right and defend the weak wherever they are. I will strive to excel, to be a khalifah (leader) and a role model to the people around me.

My days aspiring to be a lawyer may well be over but alas, even if those dreams shall remain as a dream, my drive shall shine bright and guide me in every stage of my life.